Self-Guided Retreat Eight days later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” -John 20:26-28 Why are human beings drawn into the Christian mysteries, despite the sheer impossibility? Why have so many sacrificed their lives for the outrageous improbability of the resurrection story? Perhaps imbedded in humanity's collective, interior knowing, the idea of a wound deep enough to embrace all humanity moves us to rise above the mere struggle to survive against nature and each other. And so we look for the endless love offered from this wound (meditation one), for radical intimacy and cosmic unity (meditation two). Finally, meeting together in the threshold of that crossing of Reality, we realize eternal truth dwelling among us as we gather to “break the bread” (meditation three). Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. -Carl Jung Blessings, and wishes for a holy, joyful Eastertide. -Suzanne
Meditation One (introit) large enough for all humanity Julian's vision of the wound in the side of Jesus With a kindly countenance our good Lord looked in to his side, and he gazed with joy, and with his sweet regard he drew his creature’s understanding into his side by the same wound; and there he revealed a fair and delectable place, large enough for all mankind that will be saved and will rest in peace and in love. And with that he brought to mind the dear and precious blood and water which he suffered to be shed for love. And in this sweet sight he showed his blessed heart split in two, and as he rejoiced he showed to my understanding a part of his blessed divinity, as much as was his will at that time, strengthening my poor soul to understand what can be said, that is the endless love which was without beginning and is and always shall be.
–Julian of Norwich, c1342-c1416 Showings,ch.24, Paulist Press,p.220-221
Thou mastering me God! giver of breath and bread; World's strand, sway of the sea; Lord of living and dead; Thou hast bound bones and veins in me, fastened me flesh, And after it almost unmade, what with dread, Thy doing: and dost thou touch me afresh? Over again I feel thy finger and find thee.
The Incredulity of Thomas, Caravaggio, 1601-2, detail
Suzanne's Meditation The Heightening of Senses
Countless sensate images wash over the faithful in Holy Week. Here are a few:
The donkey's breath, the foal's weaving around her mother. The scent of palms trodden under foot. The crash of tables and glissando of coins scattering on the pavement, the wind-sound of the whip of cords. The unique footfall of each sister on the path: Martha's sure and sturdy presence as she confronts Jesus, Mary's lighter step as she runs. Jesus' tears. His inexpertly stifled moan. The spice soaked bandages covering Lazarus. And later, the scent of pure nard filling the house. Outer garment laid aside. Towel. Water. The distinctive feet of each friend: calluses, sores, corns, scars, dirt, fungus, deformed and discolored toenails. Bread broken. Wine poured. Judas slipping out into the night. Bloody sweat of abject anguish. Thirty pieces of silver. A fire in the courtyard in the cold air. A cock crowing. A bowl in which Pilate washes his hands. Crown of thorns, purple robe, spittle. Blood. Mutilated flesh quivering like jelly on Jesus' back. Weakness, falling. The cloth wiping sweat and blood from his face. Nails. Cross. Dice. Tunic without seam. Thirst. Indescribable pain. Sponge. Vinegar. Spear. Water and blood. One hundred pounds of myrrh and aloes, fresh linen. Corpse. Tomb hewn out of the rock.
The Incredulity of Thomas, Caravaggio, 1601-2
Meditation Two (insight) the interior touch Thomas has insisted upon personal contact and even a kind of physical intimacy - placing his finger and hand into Jesus' wounds. Instead, he is given something different which is more personal and more intimate: the interior "touch" which is unitive experience of the Spirit. Blessed are those for whom this spiritual contact suffices; they shall be rich in the fullness of the Lord’s interior presence, and in the purity and strength of their faith. … The passage from one kind of knowledge to another, from the knowledge of external sight to the knowledge of union, to which Jesus has led these disciples – and last of all Thomas – corresponds to his promise, "…you will see heaven opened…"(1:51). It is this initiation into the final unitive knowledge of God which is implied also in the final verse of John’s prologue: No one (ie. not even Moses; see 1:17) has ever seen God. It is God the only Son, who is in the Father’s bosom, who has made him known (1:18). Or, more graphically, "…who has opened the way" … The promised opening of the heavens is accomplished in the opening of "the Father’s bosom" to those who believe in Jesus. This opening of the interior sabbath of God’s rest to humanity is symbolized by the opened bosom of Jesus …This is the promised "place" (14:2-4), promised land and paradise. These convergent spatial images, however, all refer to a relationship which is non-spatial, non-dual and beyond all images: the simple divine union. -Bruno Barnhart The Good Wine: Reading John from the Center, 1993
Meditation Three (integration) meeting together on the Eighth Day The meeting is called a meeting on the eighth day because it opens toward what cannot be reached simply by more days like those of the seven-day weeks we have known. In the meeting on the first day there is an opening toward the day beyond days, toward the last day of God. It is the eighth day because Christians have met "eight days later" (John 20:26) down through the ages. That meeting has always meant for them the encounter with the risen one and so with the end of death and the endless cycles of loss. To encounter Christ risen is to encounter God’s spirit and God’s mercy, things that have been promised for the last day when God’s dwelling is to be with humankind and tears are to be wiped away. Christians believe the eighth-day meeting is already the dawning of that day. The eighth day is the beginning of a new creation.
-Gordon W. Lathrop Holy Things, 1993
The Last Word
The mother can lay her child tenderly to her breast, but our tender Mother Jesus can lead us easily into his blessed breast through his sweet open side, and show us there a part of the godhead and of the joys of heaven, with inner certainty of endless bliss.
-Julian of Norwich c1342-c1416 Showings
(Suzanne's meditation, continued)
The Passion narrative emphasizes the very materiality of this particularly incarnational religion. And paradoxically, perhaps it is this materiality which makes it hard to recognize the Resurrected flesh of the Incarnate One, at least initially, although I don't understand why. Why, near the tomb in the garden, on the road to Emmaus, in the Upper Room, on the beach in Galilee, was it difficult to recognize Jesus? What obscures normal sight and senses? Or does perceiving his presence demand a heightening of senses?
For Thomas, the privilege of doubt is a deeper embrace. Invited to place his hand in the divine wound, Thomas touches the interior flesh of the Beloved.
I'm beginning to realize this faith of mine isn't just inside my head. I place my hand in Thomas's hand. -sg